Well it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I really hate it when it seems that every post I start is like that. When I started this thing out I really intended to post weekly and then well, things like “writer’s block”, life and just not wanting to sound so depressing on every post kicked in. Then it seemed for a while that I might be abandoning it altogether. But then this morning, I woke up with all these thoughts going in my head and heart and I know that I process things better when I write.
I have been on a mission this month to try to find something to be Grateful for every day. I have missed a couple of days but have for the most part been able to find something to post. (I post on Instagram). I love Christmas and all things holidays but I agree with a lot of people that sometimes Thanksgiving gets pushed aside for Christmas. I have to be intentional to remember Thanksgiving and look for things to Give my Thanks for so that I don’t gloss over it with preparations for Christmas. This morning as I am thinking of things I am grateful for, I am also thinking of things I wish I had known to be grateful for.
Today is Sheri’s birthday. Her first one in heaven would have been her 57th here on earth if she had stayed. I’m sorry but it still seems so surreal that she is actually not on earth anymore. Some days I have to remind myself that she is not at her house sitting in her chair watching some old western on television or some crime drama. Sheri loved to watch television probably better than anyone I know. If you called and one of her shows was on, some of the conversation would turn to uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. I always knew something had caught her attention on one of her shows and that she wasn’t listening to a word I said. It was sometimes better to just catch her at another time. There have been many times over the last 10 months I have started to pick up the phone to call her. I wish I had done that more when she was there sitting in her chair. I also can’t walk into a Wal Mart anywhere that I don’t find myself looking for her, which is really dumb because the one she worked at was in Crossett, Arkansas. But it will forever be etched in my brain that she belongs there in Wal Mart working in the back room. I somehow think I see her rounding a corner at every Wal Mart. Sheri had a great laugh when she remembered to use it. I loved her smile and I loved the twinkle in her eye when she had a bit of mischief going on in that head of hers. And her giggle. I wish I had remembered to love it more when she was here with us. The last few years I think Sheri forgot to laugh though. She became more worried about stuff and she didn’t feel good and went through a period where she was just sad and negative a lot. But hey she got the last laugh. I guess the one thing about Sheri celebrating this birthday in heaven that brings me some comfort is that I know that she is loving that she got to go be with Momma and Daddy first. She always loved to tell the story first or get to experience things first, get the first piece of cake, etc. When I was younger these were things that bugged me about Sheri but now I wish I had known to love it more. I guess it’s ok that she got to go first. Ok for her, it really stinks for us.
For many years we would spend this Thanksgiving week in Arkansas, staying with my Daddy and my guys hunting with him and we would cook and have lunches at the deer camp. With lots and lots of family and friends. I cooked more the week of Thanksgiving than I did the rest of the year back in those days. I do remember looking out at the fire and see my guys sitting around with my Daddy, my brother in law and the other men telling stories of deer they had seen or dogs they had lost and working a plan to go hunt for their dogs that had gotten loose on the deer lease and not come back. I can still see them sitting around the fire in camo and orange and muddy boots. I wish I had lingered a little longer. I wish I had taken more pictures of it. I wish I had known to love it a little more when it was happening.
My childhood Thanksgivings were also spent in that house in Arkansas. The one my sister lives in now. I am so grateful that life is still going on in that house. But oh how I remember being there as a child and then taking my own children there when I became an adult. When we were kids there was no central air and heat in that house and it was probably one of the hottest places on earth in the summertime and one of the coldest places in the wintertime. I love that now I have things in my house that remind me of that house. I have the coffee cups I can remember my Pappaw drinking his coffee out of every morning and yes, I drink my coffee from them and I love it. I have a quilt that Burr and I have decided is the warmest blanket in this house that was made by my grandmother. I have some furniture pieces that I brought back with me after my Daddy passed that will always remind me of that time and place. I am grateful for those things now, but I do wish I had known to be more grateful for them then.
This year we will be travelling to Ben’s for Thanksgiving if our little princess does not arrive first then we will be travelling before. We will actually have our family time on Friday, I can’t wait to have all of us in one house. Life is so different as your children grow up and move on. So I really want to be intentional to enjoy those times that we can all be together. I pray that as we all gather together around a Thanksgiving table this week. Whether it be on THE Thanksgiving day or another day that all of your family can gather, that we will drink it in and that we will remember to Love it now, while it is happening!.