Wow! I originally wrote this at the end of Spring Break week last year in March. I ran across it this morning and not only did I spend last week with my favorite little people, I also saw my friend. And I find, that it all still holds true to me today!
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV)
My heart has been on a rollercoaster this week. We did some traveling and we got to go see our favorite little people, as well as our favorite grown people and it was a fun, sweet special time. I also went to visit my best friend who is slowly succumbing to the ugly disease of Alzheimers. We raised our babies together, she had girls and I had boys but they grew up thinking they may as well have been brothers and sisters. She is 8 years into her battle and it is heartbreaking and sweet all at the same time. She is in a happy place right now and that is a blessing to her family and all who love her. But my heart does still hurt because I miss her and the talks that we had. She had such a way of always pointing me back to Jesus. I am so glad that He brought her into my life as a young mama and that He allowed me to have the advantage of her friendship and her wisdom for most of my adult life!
I am back on my porch this morning with the Lord and my heart has just been all over the place. It is a cloudy day but there is still a hint of color. I am at the end of my spring break week which means I will be headed back to work Monday morning and my mornings will have to have a little more structure to them. As I was praying this morning and asking God what message He wanted to give to me, He led me to this verse and I thought it was very sweet of Him. Isn’t it just amazing how He does meet us where we are? I love that on a morning where I can’t seem to find the words to put on a page because my heart is leaping in so many different directions He gave me affirmation that He knows that. As I read this over and over and then if you know me, you know I went to other translations it was like a balm to my heart. I want to quote you a couple of other translations.
The ESV says it this way:
“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalm 139:23-24 (ESV)
There are those exclamation points I have come to love so much. I love the emphasis of an exclamation point in scripture.
But one of my favorite translations of this scripture is in The Passion Translation
“God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart. Examine me through and through; find out everything that may be hidden within me. Put me to the test and sift through all my anxious cares. See if there is any path of pain I’m walking on, and lead me back to your glorious, everlasting way- the path that brings me back to you.” Psalm 139:23-24
I love the way this one reads like a prayer. You see if we belong to Him, and even if we don’t, God knows our hearts, whether we invite Him in or not. But I find that when my emotions and my thoughts and my heart are all over the place that inviting Him in will help me to get back on the path! I ask Him to examine me through and through so that I can make sense of all the things going on in my heart and in my mind. If I am harboring grievous thoughts or hurts or if I have offensive ways, I want Him to show me. He knows my anxious cares and He knows if I am headed down a path of pain and I need to be redirected back to Him.