“I wish someone would tell my heart.”

One year ago tonight I was sitting in a hospital room with two of my sisters, my brother in law, and my niece watching my Daddy breathe his last breaths on earth and be ushered into the arms of Jesus.  I like to think that my Mama and his brother and sister as well as his Mama and Daddy were there to greet him as well.  I can remember sitting in that room that week and praying for mercy for him and then as soon as he took his last breath, all I could think is “Wait Lord, I was just kidding, I want more time.

That is all I can think about today.  I have done other things, I have worked on things, I have perused Facebook and Instagram, I have watched TV.  I planned it all that way to have a very quiet day at home.  But it’s been in my heart all day long that this is the last big milestone.  They say that the first year is the hardest and I think it is probably true.  There is a part of me that is like “whew, I made it” and then there is the part that is sad because I think that people will think I should be “over it.”  And I am not sure I ever will be.  I know that may sound crazy.  I mean, I know it is natural that we are all going to lose our parents one day.  I know that I know where he is.  I know that he is better off. I know that he would not have wanted to live the way he was that last couple of weeks but my heart still misses him so.

My Daddy was not a large man in stature but in my eyes he was huge.  His poor body had been through so much in his lifetime.  He had heart surgery twice, lung surgery, stents in his heart, an abdominal aneurism as well as a hiatal hernia just to name a few but he was our Timex.  He took a licking and kept on ticking.  Daddy never forgot anything a day in his life.  He had a clear bass voice and he loved doing the bass part to “Elvira”.  He never stopped.  When he was sick he did whatever he had to do to get well.  He was on a tractor two days before his last heart attack in July of 2016.  So I know that we were very blessed by his long life and how well he had always bounced back.  I think though that we thought he always would.  He was a perfect girl daddy.  He brought us chocolates on Valentines Day and loved to watch us at Christmas.  He was my hero and will forever be.  He loved my mama well and for that I am grateful.

I am so thankful that he is my Daddy.  I miss you Daddy.

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Author: Sonia Sticker

I am a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, employee, woman. And I simply need more JESUS in my life!

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